February 18, 2006

My family took a trip up to Brianhead, Utah over Presidents Day weekend. It was Friday February 18 when we received an email from LDSFS. The email was from a young girl in Idaho who was looking at Ryan and I as an adoptive couple for her baby girl, who was due on March 24. Ryan and I were VERY excited yet, very guarded. We read through her email and I couldn't help but cry. As she was describing herself and some information about her baby girl and what her desires for her were I was stuck on this sweet baby girls due date, March 24.


When I was 8 years old I lost my mother in a Jeep accident, her name is Holly and her birthdate is March 24. I couldn't help but think, out of all the birthmother's in this world and out of all the dates on the calendar this baby girl's due date is my mother's birthday....Wow! A part of me inside knew that the Lord's hand was definetly in this along with my mother's. I was very hopeful, but at the same time was still very guarded because of all that we just went through, it was still so fresh. Ryan and I read through the email a few times and began our response back. We answered all of her questions, gave some information about us and expressed to her the LOVE we have for her. We sent off our email and it was back to the "waiting" game. Every day went by and we were continually checking our email. It was hard. We started to doubt ourselves and how we may have responded better, what could have we said or done differently. We quickly figured out that we can't do that to ourselves, it's not fair. We responded back to the best of our knowledge and we were honest with everything we said. It now was up to the Lord and our birthmom. Days quickly became weeks and then one day Ryan and I were at the office and for lunch we decided to go and walk around the mall. It was great to get out of the office. As we were walking the mall I clearly remember telling Ryan, "if this is suppose to be it will all work out in due time. We just have to be patient and put it in the Lord's hands." Yes, this was all easier said then done, but we knew that is what we needed to do. We headed back to the office and within 30 minutes of being there I decided I was going to take a moment and check my email. (It was something I did on a regular basis). I did and there was an email from EVEFS (LDS family services). I opened and I couldn't believe what I was reading. This is what I read;

03/06/06 2:21 PM >>>Ryan and Kerri, Hello again, this is Amanda. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to the last e-mail, I wanted to have my decision made by the next letter. I have read over yours and the other couples email many times, to help me in making my decision. This was a really hard choice to make not only because who I choose will be the parents to my baby, but because you were similar is so many ways. So I had to look at the differences between you and the other family and, that is what made you two stand out to me.So congratulations, soon you will finally have a baby of your own.I understand that you are willing to meet with me before I actually give birth, and I would like to know when is a good time for you to meet? I arranged time with my worker so we could possibly meet this Friday or next Friday (we figured the weekend would be the best time for you). Whenever works for you will be great. Hopefully we will see eachother soon. LoveAmanda

I cannot tell you the feelings that were sent through my body. I couldn't believe it! I screamed and cried and one of the girls that worked for us was right behind me and went to go get Ryan. He came up read the email and cried too. It was amazing! To say the least it was hard to finish work that day. We took some time out to respond to our birthmom and make arrangements to meet with her this upcoming weekend. Thankfully, Ryan has a great business partner and we were able to up and go. The next few days were amazing. Deep down inside I was scared, scared to put myself out in this situation again. I didn't know what to do or what to say. I was more nervous than before. I spent a lot of time in prayer, asking for the strength to do this again. I know Heavenly Father was there beside me the whole time. Everything came together smoothly. I couldn't have asked for it to go any better.

We met with our birthmother that weekend and the meeting was fabulous! The moment I saw her walk through the door I knew I knew her. She looked absolutely beautiful! She had the cutest little belly, it was a basketball under her shirt. I couldn't stop looking at her in amazement. There are no words to describe how our meeting went. The connection was immediate. The feeling in the room was LOVE. The spirit was so strong. The conversation flowed perfectly and there were no silent moments, it all was PERFECT! We talked about names and she said that we could name her. With tears in my eyes I explained to her that I wanted her name to be Hollie and I told her why. She LOVED it! She loved that there was an immediate connection, we all knew this was meant to be by how everything came together. She gave us a copy of her ultrasound and we could see our sweet baby girl. She was beautiful and perfect in every way! My favorite part of the ultrasound pics are at the top where it says xoxo I love you.(this is what Amanda had put on the ultrasound and it just shows me how much she truly LOVES her baby girl, I love looking at that. Words say SO much) We could all see Heavenly Father's hand in this. I knew that this baby girl was to come to our family. I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to stay there in Idaho and take care of her till she delivered, I LOVE her more than she will ever know. I LOVE everything about her. It was perfect! Saying goodbye was hard for me, but I knew we would be keeping in touch and that we would be seeing her soon.