The next year was wonderful! and that doesn't even describe it fully. We kept in close contact with Amanda through email. I always tried to email her weekly and give her updates on Ms. Hollie. I wanted her to know how good she was doing, how cute she was and how happy we were as a family. Our dream came true and we were loving life with our daughter. She was everything to us and still is. Everything we did was around her, for her and we LOVED it. Life with a baby girl was precious.
We were able to see Amanda in August when we took a trip up to Idaho. It was great seeing her and she looked fantastic! Our time with her was short, sweet and perfect! Ryan and I were even able to spend our 5 year anniversary with her and Hollie. We truly couldn't have asked for more. Seeing Amanda was great! Once again, I always have a hard time leaving her, but seeing her and seeing how good she was doing helped me every time.
When Hollie was born Amanda asked if she could come to Hollie's first birthday. Our response was, "Ofcourse, we would LOVE to have you." So, when March 30, 2007 came Amanda was here for Hollie' first birthday. It was a perfect day and I couldn't have asked for the day/weekend to go any better. Amanda was able to meet our family and friends and that meant a lot to us. We LOVED showing her off and introducing her to everyone. Her and I spent late nights talking, visiting and just talking about life. It was great and I never wanted the night to end. One of my favorite moments was, Sunday while we were watching conference. We were all sitting on the couch and she was laying down. She came over, layed her head on my lap and I played with her hair. Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt like she was my sister. We were all so comfortable and all one family. I couldn't ask for this experience to have gone any other way. I love being in contact with her, talking to her and just knowing that she is there. Her and I will always have a special bond between us because of what we share with Hollie. It's something so special and sacred and I feel so lucky that I am able to experience this.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Saying goodbye
Saying Goodbye was SO hard. I cannot describe to you how I felt or how Ryan felt. All I know is that it was hard. I wanted to take Amanda home with us and take care of her. I felt SO close to her, I felt like we were sisters, she was my best friend and I didn't want to say bye. (I still fill this way today and I tear up when I think of her. She is my best friend and always will be). Ryan had to leave a few days early because he had to get back to the office. Some of the placement paperwork got lost at the court and it held up the process a few days. He left on Sunday and I was able to come home Tuesday, so it wasn't too bad. When we arrived home there was a banner on our garage and a banner on our lawn. We were welcomed with SO much LOVE, it was great! One of my first things I did when I got home was call Amanda and tell her we made it safely and express to her once again our love. I had a hard time talking to her because I would just cry. She probably thought I was crazy, but really I was so happy and she will never know what she gave me as a woman/mother. A gift I will NEVER be able to repay her for, something that was so selfless that I never thought it was ever possible. An experience that was simply Amazing!
Placement
Placement took place on Sunday April 2, 2006. That morning we met with Amanda and Hollie and watched conference with them. Following conference we headed to LDSFS and Hollie was placed in our arms. We signed lots of paperwork visited with Amanda and the caseworker. We took LOTS of pictures and then it was time to leave. That was the hardest part! I can't describe the feelings I felt. I was excited and yet, so sad. My heart just broke for Amanda. I could only think about her and what she is going through and what she was going to go through. We had talked lots and told her that we would come and see her every day until we were given the "okay" to go back home to Arizona. She liked that and we wanted that also. She buckled Hollie in her carseat, put her in the car, gave her kisses and told her how much she loved her. Ryan and I both just cried. we felt inadequate, we felt like we shouldn't be happy because we were making someone sad, but we weren't. Amanda was doing something that she knew she was suppose to do, it was going to be hard, but with ALL of our LOVE we could get through it together. We gave Amanda LOTS of hugs, told her how much we love her and re-assured her that we would call her as soon as we got home and that we would see her tomorrow, Monday. We followed through with our promises. The next week we spent every moment we could with Amanda. Hollie was out and about and was just perfect! We enjoyed the time we had with Amanda. We took SO many pictures, made SO many memories, shared stories and got to know eachother. It was PERFECT in every way. I loved watching Amanda with Hollie. You could see in the way she was with her how much she loved her. The experience for me was amazing! I will never forget the smallest details, the look of how Amanda looked at Hollie, all of that I will always remember. The experience was perfect and I would have never wanted Hollie's adoption to go any other way. For her, it was perfect!
Our time with Amanda and Hollie
Saturday Amanda was discharged from the hospital and we met with her later that day. She wanted to spend time with Hollie and us together before she "placed" Hollie. At first, it was very stressful for us. I wasn't sure what her thoughts were or what the ending result would be. Ofcourse, Ryan and I were hopeful and supportive and knew that if this is what needed to happen that we were going to go with it. Yes, I will say it is very uncommon, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. The time with Amanda and Hollie was amazing to say the least. We had the opportunity to get to know her and she had the opportunity to get to know us. It was fun. We did some shopping, lots of eating and we were able to see some of her friends and her school. We were able to learn SO much about her and who she is, it was great! Amanda had so much respect for us. She introduced us as Hollie's parents and her and I both shared taking care of Hollie. The experience was amazing and something I will NEVER forget. I cannot wait till one day when I will be able to share that with Hollie, it was a time in my life that I will ALWAYS hold on to and close to my heart. Special.
Keeping in Touch and Ms. Hollie's arrival
When we left Idaho Hollie was due in 3 weeks. Let me say, that was a long time. The weeks felt long and the days felt longer. We were able to keep in touch with Amanda through email and it was great! She gave us continual updates and it was wonderful hearing from her. I was able to put a "care" package together for her for when she went into labor. I enjoyed doing that for her and finding everything she would need for the hospital. The best part about it, for me, was that I was able to go into Motherhood and get her a few compfy outfits and jammies. I know that may sound funny, but I have always wanted to shop in that store. We sent our package off and she received it before she went into labor. The closer that date came the more email contact we had. She ended up not going into labor on her due date and was a week late. Thank goodness she wasn't induced and Ms. Hollie came on her own.
Ryan and I were trying to figure out a time to fly out and having it be conference weekend we choose to fly out Wednesday evening, because we were flying into Salt Lake City. It was all perfect. At 6:30 Thursday morning we received a phone call from her case worker that Hollie was born at 6:02 that morning, March 30, 2006. We were thrilled!!! We couldn't believe she was here, it felt like an eternity and then all of a sudden it happened; our daughter had arrived and she was perfect and healthy. Amanda labored most the night and was very tired. She asked to have the day to herself and we were in full support of that. We went and did some last minute shopping and visited with our family we were staying with. Sleeping Thursday night was impossible. There were so many feelings running through us, our stomach's were in nots, emotions were high and excitement was all there. We couldn't believe that our dream was coming true and that we were going to be parents to this beautiful baby girl....we felt SO lucky.
Friday we were able to meet our beautiful daughter. We went up to Amanda's room and she looked great! There was our beautiful baby girl in her arms, I couldn't believe my eyes. She was the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. She was SO perfect. Tears filled my eyes and I tried to contain my emotions. Amanda placed her in my arms and I just couldn't take my eyes off of her....gorgeous was all I could think. We talked and visited with Amanda for awhile. She seemed to be doing great. We expressed to her, again, our LOVE we have for her, but like I said before, it just can't be expressed, it's bubbling over. We asked if there was anything we could do for her and she said no. She decided to stay in the hospital another night and then we would get to see her again Saturday. Our drive back home was full of excitement, anxiety and LOVE. I was so emotional. I couldn't believe what this beautiful woman, mother, was doing for her child. It was amazing to me to watch her and see the love she has for Hollie. There are no words to describe that either. It was amazing to be the adoptive mother and to see how all this was taking place.
Ryan and I were trying to figure out a time to fly out and having it be conference weekend we choose to fly out Wednesday evening, because we were flying into Salt Lake City. It was all perfect. At 6:30 Thursday morning we received a phone call from her case worker that Hollie was born at 6:02 that morning, March 30, 2006. We were thrilled!!! We couldn't believe she was here, it felt like an eternity and then all of a sudden it happened; our daughter had arrived and she was perfect and healthy. Amanda labored most the night and was very tired. She asked to have the day to herself and we were in full support of that. We went and did some last minute shopping and visited with our family we were staying with. Sleeping Thursday night was impossible. There were so many feelings running through us, our stomach's were in nots, emotions were high and excitement was all there. We couldn't believe that our dream was coming true and that we were going to be parents to this beautiful baby girl....we felt SO lucky.
Friday we were able to meet our beautiful daughter. We went up to Amanda's room and she looked great! There was our beautiful baby girl in her arms, I couldn't believe my eyes. She was the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. She was SO perfect. Tears filled my eyes and I tried to contain my emotions. Amanda placed her in my arms and I just couldn't take my eyes off of her....gorgeous was all I could think. We talked and visited with Amanda for awhile. She seemed to be doing great. We expressed to her, again, our LOVE we have for her, but like I said before, it just can't be expressed, it's bubbling over. We asked if there was anything we could do for her and she said no. She decided to stay in the hospital another night and then we would get to see her again Saturday. Our drive back home was full of excitement, anxiety and LOVE. I was so emotional. I couldn't believe what this beautiful woman, mother, was doing for her child. It was amazing to me to watch her and see the love she has for Hollie. There are no words to describe that either. It was amazing to be the adoptive mother and to see how all this was taking place.
Friday, April 3, 2009
February 18, 2006
My family took a trip up to Brianhead, Utah over Presidents Day weekend. It was Friday February 18 when we received an email from LDSFS. The email was from a young girl in Idaho who was looking at Ryan and I as an adoptive couple for her baby girl, who was due on March 24. Ryan and I were VERY excited yet, very guarded. We read through her email and I couldn't help but cry. As she was describing herself and some information about her baby girl and what her desires for her were I was stuck on this sweet baby girls due date, March 24.
When I was 8 years old I lost my mother in a Jeep accident, her name is Holly and her birthdate is March 24. I couldn't help but think, out of all the birthmother's in this world and out of all the dates on the calendar this baby girl's due date is my mother's birthday....Wow! A part of me inside knew that the Lord's hand was definetly in this along with my mother's. I was very hopeful, but at the same time was still very guarded because of all that we just went through, it was still so fresh. Ryan and I read through the email a few times and began our response back. We answered all of her questions, gave some information about us and expressed to her the LOVE we have for her. We sent off our email and it was back to the "waiting" game. Every day went by and we were continually checking our email. It was hard. We started to doubt ourselves and how we may have responded better, what could have we said or done differently. We quickly figured out that we can't do that to ourselves, it's not fair. We responded back to the best of our knowledge and we were honest with everything we said. It now was up to the Lord and our birthmom. Days quickly became weeks and then one day Ryan and I were at the office and for lunch we decided to go and walk around the mall. It was great to get out of the office. As we were walking the mall I clearly remember telling Ryan, "if this is suppose to be it will all work out in due time. We just have to be patient and put it in the Lord's hands." Yes, this was all easier said then done, but we knew that is what we needed to do. We headed back to the office and within 30 minutes of being there I decided I was going to take a moment and check my email. (It was something I did on a regular basis). I did and there was an email from EVEFS (LDS family services). I opened and I couldn't believe what I was reading. This is what I read;
03/06/06 2:21 PM >>>Ryan and Kerri, Hello again, this is Amanda. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to the last e-mail, I wanted to have my decision made by the next letter. I have read over yours and the other couples email many times, to help me in making my decision. This was a really hard choice to make not only because who I choose will be the parents to my baby, but because you were similar is so many ways. So I had to look at the differences between you and the other family and, that is what made you two stand out to me.So congratulations, soon you will finally have a baby of your own.I understand that you are willing to meet with me before I actually give birth, and I would like to know when is a good time for you to meet? I arranged time with my worker so we could possibly meet this Friday or next Friday (we figured the weekend would be the best time for you). Whenever works for you will be great. Hopefully we will see eachother soon. LoveAmanda
I cannot tell you the feelings that were sent through my body. I couldn't believe it! I screamed and cried and one of the girls that worked for us was right behind me and went to go get Ryan. He came up read the email and cried too. It was amazing! To say the least it was hard to finish work that day. We took some time out to respond to our birthmom and make arrangements to meet with her this upcoming weekend. Thankfully, Ryan has a great business partner and we were able to up and go. The next few days were amazing. Deep down inside I was scared, scared to put myself out in this situation again. I didn't know what to do or what to say. I was more nervous than before. I spent a lot of time in prayer, asking for the strength to do this again. I know Heavenly Father was there beside me the whole time. Everything came together smoothly. I couldn't have asked for it to go any better.
We met with our birthmother that weekend and the meeting was fabulous! The moment I saw her walk through the door I knew I knew her. She looked absolutely beautiful! She had the cutest little belly, it was a basketball under her shirt. I couldn't stop looking at her in amazement. There are no words to describe how our meeting went. The connection was immediate. The feeling in the room was LOVE. The spirit was so strong. The conversation flowed perfectly and there were no silent moments, it all was PERFECT! We talked about names and she said that we could name her. With tears in my eyes I explained to her that I wanted her name to be Hollie and I told her why. She LOVED it! She loved that there was an immediate connection, we all knew this was meant to be by how everything came together. She gave us a copy of her ultrasound and we could see our sweet baby girl. She was beautiful and perfect in every way! My favorite part of the ultrasound pics are at the top where it says xoxo I love you.(this is what Amanda had put on the ultrasound and it just shows me how much she truly LOVES her baby girl, I love looking at that. Words say SO much) We could all see Heavenly Father's hand in this. I knew that this baby girl was to come to our family. I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to stay there in Idaho and take care of her till she delivered, I LOVE her more than she will ever know. I LOVE everything about her. It was perfect! Saying goodbye was hard for me, but I knew we would be keeping in touch and that we would be seeing her soon.
When I was 8 years old I lost my mother in a Jeep accident, her name is Holly and her birthdate is March 24. I couldn't help but think, out of all the birthmother's in this world and out of all the dates on the calendar this baby girl's due date is my mother's birthday....Wow! A part of me inside knew that the Lord's hand was definetly in this along with my mother's. I was very hopeful, but at the same time was still very guarded because of all that we just went through, it was still so fresh. Ryan and I read through the email a few times and began our response back. We answered all of her questions, gave some information about us and expressed to her the LOVE we have for her. We sent off our email and it was back to the "waiting" game. Every day went by and we were continually checking our email. It was hard. We started to doubt ourselves and how we may have responded better, what could have we said or done differently. We quickly figured out that we can't do that to ourselves, it's not fair. We responded back to the best of our knowledge and we were honest with everything we said. It now was up to the Lord and our birthmom. Days quickly became weeks and then one day Ryan and I were at the office and for lunch we decided to go and walk around the mall. It was great to get out of the office. As we were walking the mall I clearly remember telling Ryan, "if this is suppose to be it will all work out in due time. We just have to be patient and put it in the Lord's hands." Yes, this was all easier said then done, but we knew that is what we needed to do. We headed back to the office and within 30 minutes of being there I decided I was going to take a moment and check my email. (It was something I did on a regular basis). I did and there was an email from EVEFS (LDS family services). I opened and I couldn't believe what I was reading. This is what I read;
03/06/06 2:21 PM >>>Ryan and Kerri, Hello again, this is Amanda. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to the last e-mail, I wanted to have my decision made by the next letter. I have read over yours and the other couples email many times, to help me in making my decision. This was a really hard choice to make not only because who I choose will be the parents to my baby, but because you were similar is so many ways. So I had to look at the differences between you and the other family and, that is what made you two stand out to me.So congratulations, soon you will finally have a baby of your own.I understand that you are willing to meet with me before I actually give birth, and I would like to know when is a good time for you to meet? I arranged time with my worker so we could possibly meet this Friday or next Friday (we figured the weekend would be the best time for you). Whenever works for you will be great. Hopefully we will see eachother soon. LoveAmanda
I cannot tell you the feelings that were sent through my body. I couldn't believe it! I screamed and cried and one of the girls that worked for us was right behind me and went to go get Ryan. He came up read the email and cried too. It was amazing! To say the least it was hard to finish work that day. We took some time out to respond to our birthmom and make arrangements to meet with her this upcoming weekend. Thankfully, Ryan has a great business partner and we were able to up and go. The next few days were amazing. Deep down inside I was scared, scared to put myself out in this situation again. I didn't know what to do or what to say. I was more nervous than before. I spent a lot of time in prayer, asking for the strength to do this again. I know Heavenly Father was there beside me the whole time. Everything came together smoothly. I couldn't have asked for it to go any better.
We met with our birthmother that weekend and the meeting was fabulous! The moment I saw her walk through the door I knew I knew her. She looked absolutely beautiful! She had the cutest little belly, it was a basketball under her shirt. I couldn't stop looking at her in amazement. There are no words to describe how our meeting went. The connection was immediate. The feeling in the room was LOVE. The spirit was so strong. The conversation flowed perfectly and there were no silent moments, it all was PERFECT! We talked about names and she said that we could name her. With tears in my eyes I explained to her that I wanted her name to be Hollie and I told her why. She LOVED it! She loved that there was an immediate connection, we all knew this was meant to be by how everything came together. She gave us a copy of her ultrasound and we could see our sweet baby girl. She was beautiful and perfect in every way! My favorite part of the ultrasound pics are at the top where it says xoxo I love you.(this is what Amanda had put on the ultrasound and it just shows me how much she truly LOVES her baby girl, I love looking at that. Words say SO much) We could all see Heavenly Father's hand in this. I knew that this baby girl was to come to our family. I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to stay there in Idaho and take care of her till she delivered, I LOVE her more than she will ever know. I LOVE everything about her. It was perfect! Saying goodbye was hard for me, but I knew we would be keeping in touch and that we would be seeing her soon.
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